Thoughts from the first wedding in the friend group
Feeling very old these days, plus a bit on deload weeks, being replaced, and high school reunions
NORMAL, IL — Once you graduate college, there are really only two events that bring just about everyone that matters in your life together: weddings and funerals. In many ways, that ought to prompt reflection on what we choose to celebrate as a society,1 but more importantly, my friends got married this weekend! In addition to being a wonderful day, it served as a great reminder of the value of having friends who know where you come from. One of my favorite podcasts, Hello Hayes, refers to these folks as OG besties, which is a perfect way to put it.
I left for college with lot of friendships I care about, but I’d like to hone in on a group of roughly 15 or so guys that I did basically everything with. It’s exactly what you’re picturing - studying (working hard or hardly working) together, lots of pickup hoops, etc, and it was wonderful to have such a big group of guys core to my life. Some of them are probably reading this right now, others are assuredly not. Many of them went to college together, and I decidedly did not. Naturally, groups change and the more time that you spend together, the closer you get, so my friends who spent four years of high school and four years of undergrad together developed a bond that I don’t share with them. And that’s life - I loved that going to Texas forced me to build new relationships from scratch and exercise the muscle of making friends on my own. I wouldn’t trade that experience for the world!
At the same time, I wanted to make sure I worked on the long-term friendships that bind the folks I grew up with and I together. I’ll be the first to admit that I was far from perfect in this effort, but at the very least it was something that I was conscious about. For a couple summers, I’d go home during the summer and regularly see my friends, most of whom were also taking online classes or working remotely, which made it seem like no time had passed at all. And then life got busier, as I spent those same breaks in England or Greece or biking to Alaska, and before I knew it, it’d been years since I’d met friends that I used to rarely go days without seeing. Last summer, my friends came home to have graduation parties that brought everyone together, and I was somewhere in the Rockies, so out of the loop that I didn’t even realize what I was missing. I’d like to think that I’m pretty intentional and focused on being a present friend, but it’s a harder game when you’re spread out across the country, doing totally different things. And so, bringing it back to this weekend, while I was super excited to celebrate Aniketh on his special day, I’d be lying if I said I didn't have just the slightest apprehension about whether things just wouldn’t feel the same.
Talk about misplaced concern! In the best way possible, it felt like we were 15 again. It was a long day - 6AM to well past midnight when accounting for both the wedding and the reception, but I felt right at home with my guys. Sure, there was news about the day to day of each other’s lives to catch up on, but the core bonds that tie us together remain strong. What I come back to is the value of the imperfect effort that we put in — keeping loose tabs on each other from across the country even as we were busy enough with our own college lives, remembering folks’ birthdays, checking in when we were in the area. Perhaps we could have done none of those things and just being all together in a joyous setting would have been enough — but I’m glad that’s a question that didn’t have to be answered. I’ve changed a lot over the past five years, mostly for the better (I think, but then again, I would say that!) - and while the north star friendships of my life have changed as such, I remain very grateful to have so many OGs in my corner.
Congrats to Aniketh and his wife (!), and I look forward to the next time that a set of vows brings us all together again.
5 Things on my Mind:
Last week, I took a full week off running, the bike and the gym. It drove me a little crazy, and it’s probably been two years at minimum since I’ve had a full deload week off any real workout. Mileage may vary on whether a week off is actually necessary, but I’m glad I took one because I feel really fresh and relatively uninjured now. There’s a lesson in there about too much of a good thing becoming a detriment, but perhaps that’s a stretch. The grind continues on!
One fun thing about a hometown wedding is that is essentially turns into a high school reunion. Obviously, I knew was going to see a lot of my friends, but what I didn’t account for was running into the people that I hadn’t thought about in years - which is actually quite fun. It’s really nice to have those pleasant social interactions where you know you won’t see this person again any time soon, but you get to learn just a little bit of information about what they’re up to.
Everything is cyclical and there’s always someone after you - which is a tad dramatic, but it feels especially true this week. Graduation weekend unlocked some of these feelings, but it’s hitting much harder now that the 2025 Texas 4000 team started their ride this weekend, which has unleashed a ton of different emotions for me. Mostly, I’m excited for them and the journey that they are at the very early stages of, but seeing the photos and videos of Rockies making their way up through Central Texas is so sentimental and has me wishing that we were biking to Alaska again. More thoughts on this later in the week.
Organizing a wedding seems like an absolutely mind numbing endeavor. I love big projects that involve managing a lot of people and moving parts - in fact, you could argue that’s basically my whole thing. And yet, having seen a wedding and reception at massive scale up close and personal this weekend, this seems like a uniquely rough thing to pull off without tearing your hair out. Thank the gods this is not a near-term problem because I need to collect a ton of ideas on what works and what doesn’t before trying to get hundreds of my friends and family in one room.
Theme parks and concerts are items one and two on the list of things I wish I enjoyed more than I do. My Orlando theme park review - Universal Studios doesn’t do a lot for me, mostly because I don’t really seek thrill. There are rides in there I really enjoyed, but I could take it or leave it overall. Disney World does theming and continuity really well, which I can appreciate, but there’s only so much to do. I like it just fine, but it’s certainly not my thing in the way it is for many others.
The Bedside Stand: Read & Reading
Still reading Jesus and John Wayne: How White Evangelicals Corrupted a Faith and Fractured a Nation. Well reported book but honestly quite frustrating, so it’s taken me a while to get through it.
In My Ears: Listened & Listening to
I LOVE the Single Wing, which is Steven Godfrey (previously of Split Zone Duo) - it’s half college football talk and half life advice questions - so basically, the perfect intersection of my interests.
The cost of pharmaceuticals comes up so often that I am a little stunned at how little I know about the underlying reasons - this is a good primer that is interesting without being too definitive in a policy prescription.
Niche podcast of the week - one thing about me is that I love in the weeds public transit talk, and that’s exactly what this is. Good background audio while I’m doing admin work.
Phone Eats First: Some Recent Favorites
This is literally just my regular CAVA order (which never changes). Not having one near me is a real void in my day to day life.
Destihl - I realize this photo looks like it was taken on an iPhone 3GS, but regardless this cream of tomato soup was delicious.
EPCOT Flower & Garden Festival — This was a combination caramel flan and chocolate cake with walnuts that was exactly as good as it looks. Sickly sweet but delicious at the same time.
NEW SEGMENT: Seeking advice on
Shaking the feeling of being old (I turn 23 later this week #scary)
Book recommendations, especially titles that work well in audiobook form
National parks to visit in the winter
Things to do in Denver!
Time for a brick workout,
Mantra
Sure, weddings are a cornerstone event of most people’s lives, but are they more deserving of celebration than other accomplishments? I’m not convinced. I wish we made an active effort to celebrate accomplishments and give people their flowers, but that’s neither here nor there.